Shadows and Regrets
by AprilGrace
Summary: AUish. Takes place after Peyton said maybe to Luke, exept she said no here because that just makes it so much simpler. Short FiveShot at most. Easy reading and gaurentied to NOT give you a migrane, unless you are severly dehydrated and are chewing gum.
1. Empty Apartment

**Shadows and Regrets**

Disclaimer: I don't own anything exept for the DVDs, those I bouht from Ecetera.

He was gone. Peyton couldn't believe it. Lucas was gone and all she wanted to do was cry and scream and throw things at no one in particular.

He had proposed. _PROPOSED_. Once the words had left his lips she was scared and didn't know what to do, so being Peyton she had gone with the safest route, denying what she truly wanted for what she thought would be easier: she had said no. But, little did she know that saying that would just make things so much harder in the long run.

She had hoped with all her heart that he wouldn't be mad, and they could just go back to the way they used to be, but she knew that it would never truly be the same. He had said oh, such a classic Lucas Scott move, kissed her once and as he did so she could feel the sadness and dissapointment radiating from him, and then he had left.

She never heard anything about him after that, but her heart always ached to know where he was, what he was doing and who he was with. Any one answer would have been enough to let her move on, but she never got any. Thus her heart ached for months on end. She tried to go on with her life but just wound up burring herself in her work at a label company.

After a while her new found 'friends' convinced her that she needed to do something more with her life than work and that she should settle down with someone.

That was when Jake moved to LA.

--

They had dated a while, and she found that although she loved him and Jenny, it wasn't the same as it once was.

One day he came home to their shared apartment and out of the blue, he too had proposed. Not wanting to loose this opportunity as well, she had said yes, not hesitating for a moment knowing that if she did, then she would lose another person she loved, not the same way as before, but loved non the less.

They had gotten married in a small church, with just their few LA friends, her father, Jake's parents, and Jenny present.

It was not like she unhappy with him, but she was not fully satisfied either. It was the that he touched her, the way that he said that he loved her that made her feel guilty, not because she didn't love him back, but because she didn't love him the same way, and he knew it.

Over the years he had learnt to read her like a book, but every now and then, a strange look would cross over her delicate features and he was at a total loss to console her.

She would stare off into space and become distant, thinking no doubt about the past she had tried so hard to run from, hell the past she was still trying to run from. He knew he would never fully know what had happened between her and Lucas, but he knew it had been bad.

Every few months he would ask her about it and instantly regret it as she would turn away and not talk to him, not even look at him as she was lost in thought about the shadows and regrets of her past.

She became more and more distant and he d it. He knew it was her inside to be with him, not out of love, but because he was simply there. She had lost what he knew was the love of her life, for he knew he was not it, because of some reason in her dark past. He knew he could never measure up to Lucas. He knew what being with him was doing to her heart, and he knew he loved her to much to see that pain flicker across her face every time he mentioned Tree Hill.

Then that fateful day came. She came home with the divorce papers in hand. He couldn't blame her, for it had been a long time coming. They had talked, hugged and he had singed without protest, knowing it was for the best.

They still kept contact. Jake informing Peyton of what was going on in Jenny's life and they remained good friends, but nothing more. And the love for Lucas forever remained in her heart.

--

After being divorced for a while Peyton started to hear about Lucas' ever-growing success with his new books and she wound up buying every copy she ran into until she had enough books and tapes to fill up an entire bookshelf.

One night she was in her living room, listening to her iPod, trying to figure out which disgusting new boy band or who couldn't sing worth crap, but looked hot enough to make it she should make the people fall in love with, although she despised them, when a knock came at her door. Grumbling under her breath, she made her way to the front door.

The moment she opened it and saw the figure before her, her breath hitched in her throat. All she could get out was a small, questioning, almost pleading whisper:

"Lucas?"


	2. Way Away

**A/N: **Thank you for all your reviews. Truth be told this is my first fic, and I really didn't expect to get any at all. This chapter is mostly from Lucas' POV or at least tells what happened to him after they broke up. Please take note that I actually take pride in how I wrote Brooke and Jake, bit if you see any potential holes in thier story line, please tell me.

Okay I'll shut up now and let you read the story.

She was gone

She was gone. Peyton had said no and Lucas knew why. She was scared. She was running from what she truly wanted, what they both wanted.

He had said "oh" for lack of a better response, kissed her with all he could muster harboring a shattered heart and knowing full well that that would most likely be the last time that he kissed her and with that he took his exit.

After that one night in LA he never heard from or about her again for a long time. He slowly accepted that it was over, but the dull ache in his heart never quite went away and he often found himself staring off into space wondering what she was doing or what she was wearing.

--

He had moved to New York, and for a while he would just pick up random one night stands when he felt the need to, and continued his writing career. It didn't exactly take off, but his books sold so he was comfortable enough.

He still kept contact with Nathan and Haley, who were happily married with a son and a daughter on the way, and Brooke.

Brooke. He had come back to his apartment one day and found her there, just waiting for him. They had talked for hours about what they had missed in the other's life and soon enough he was kissing her. She was his newfound best friend and he found he still loved her, just not the same passion-filled way he had loved Peyton, but a in a sincere, good natured way.

They were for a year or so, neither wanting to make a major commitment like marriage, when they got into an . They had just been driving along and some jackass swerved into the wrong lane and crashed into them. They were taken to the hospital but nether of them were severely hurt, although they were both shaken up quite a bit.

After this "oh-so-dramatic-near-death-experience" as Brooke had put it, they both realized they were meant for others. They agreed that they both deserved someone that could give them more than they the other, but they were still great friends even after they had broken up, and stayed so through Brooke's various (failed) attempts at romance and Lucas' rising fame as an author with his new books.

But, sometimes late at night, he would once again find himself thinking about Peyton, and wishing the empty space in his bed was filled with her body, mind, heart and soul. He found himself missing her more and more each passing day.

--

It was a few months after he and Brooke up and he was just about to call her when he realized he didn't have her number anymore, hell he didn't know if she was still living in LA or if she was with someone when the phone rang.

He ran into the kitchen just in time to pick it up.

"Hey, Brooke" he said expecting it to be Brooke complaining about whatever the new boyfriend's problem was this time.

"Lucas?" He couldn't quite place the voice at once, but then it hit him.

"Jake?" He asked his tone evidentially confused.

"Hey, man. Um, listen I need you to do me a favor..." The voice on the other side was apprehensive and Lucas knew that whatever the favor was it, wasn't easy for Jake to ask.

"Yeah, anything man." He replied almost hesitantly

Jake sighed deeply "I need you to come down here and see Peyton. She's broken, man. Has been for a while and I know that it has something to do with you." Jake's request caught Lucas off guard to say the least. He took in a deep breath before asking what he almost feared the answer to:

"How do you know?"

Jake gave an almost ironic laugh "We got married, man."

Lucas almost screamed "WHAT?" into the phone, but decided against it when he realized that that wouldn't help the current situation as he could tell Jake was waiting for his reply. "Continue" was all he could give as a response.

"Well, we got married a while ago, but she never did let go of you. I could tell by the way she looked off into space every once and a while that she missed you. One day she came home with the divorce papers and I can't say I blamed her. She always deserved better than me, I knew so even in high school, and though I could tell that she loved me, I knew she loved you more. You need to see her, you need to tell her that you love her and you need to ride off into the sunset together."

Lucas just sat there his mouth slightly agape. He couldn't process all the information that had just been shoved at him. Peyton and Jake had gotten married. Peyton and Jake had gotten divorced. Peyton was broken and Jake was telling him to fix her.

He finally regained his composure after a few minutes of silence and asked the million dollar question: "Where is she now?"

"She's still up in LA. Different apartment than she was in before" as he told him the details on how to get there, Lucas scribbled it down on his hand while Jake continued talking. "She moved in after we broke up, while I went down to Savannah."

"You sure she's okay with me coming"

"Well, I didn't exactly tell her yet, but I'm sure she'll be thrilled to see you. Take good care of her Luke." Jake said as he was about to hang up he heard Lucas call into the phone:

"Hey, Jake?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

"No problem, just make her happy again." and with that they both hang up.

On one end of the line Jake sighed. His job was done. Lucas was coming. He was going to come and hopefully he would be able make Peyton smile again.

On the other side of the line, however, Lucas was freaking out. He decided to go to LA right then, but as fate would have it, Brooke called.

"Hello?" He asked, not even bothering to assume who was calling.

"Hey Broody! What'cha up to?" Brooke's overly cheery voice came through the receiver.

"Actually I was just about to head out."

"Oh really. And you didn't even bother to invite me?" Brooke accused in mock anger.

"Actually I was going to go see Peyton" Lucas said in a small voice.

"WHAT??" Brooke all but screamed into the phone making Lucas' ear ring and making up for his lack of voice in his last statement.

"Yeah, well Jake just called and gave me her new address."

"Jake to the rescue, huh? You don't happen to have his number on you, do you?" Brooke asked trying to make it sound like she wasn't really interested in the man she always had a slight crush on in high school.

He laughed and gave her the number, "Okay we'll I'm heading to LA right now. See you Brooke."

"Bye. Oh and Lucas..."

"Yeah?"

"It's damn well about time." Lucas simply smiled and hung up. He got all the stuff he needed for the plane, not bothering to pack clothes, and rushed out to his car. He jumped in and drove to the airport. He didn't care that he had a long wait for the next plane out, just that he was going to get to see her again. Plus he needed time to figure out what he was going to say.

--

It was late night LA time when his taxi pulled up in front of her house. He handed the cab driver the money he owed him, plus a tip, climbed out of the cab and hesitantly walked up to her front door.

He tapped lightly on the door, but realizing that she most likely had her iPod blaring and couldn't hear his unsure knock, he rapped his knuckles against the wood three sharp times.

The door flew open and there she stood in all her glory, clad in a black Led Zeppelin concert tee and jeans. For the first few milliseconds he could tell that she was visibly annoyed by his late night visit. But as she realized that it was Lucas Scott was standing there, he could see her face visibly change from a look of annoyance to shock to timid and it showed in her voice when she whispered his name:

"Lucas?"


	3. Words, Hands, Hearts

**A/N: **Just wanted to thank all the people that replied for doing so. If you are reading this and enjoy it, but haven't reviewed I would really enjoy hearing your opinions, but in an attempt to not be a bitch, I will not be one of those people who screams at the guys who read but don't review.

Also I tried to write some , but for the life of me I fell straight on my face, so I just wrote what I could without it sounding like everything else, and changed the rating to a T, because I loathe the people who miss-rate their own stories.

I also apologize if the sentences are incomprehensible in length; I've had that problem since kindergarten.

Shutting up now.

Lucas smiled up to the woman he loved with all of his heart, but could only smile sheepishly and say "Hi, Peyton"

Peyton, still partially shell shocked at the surprise of the love of her life showing up (still looking as hot as ever) on her door step at 11 o'clock at night, couldn't even begin to form words as her mind was going through a million thoughts a minute: What's he doing here? How'd he find me? Wow, he's still so hot! Does he know I'm divorced? Is he with someone? Did he get back together with Brooke? Where's he living now? How'd he get that scar on his forehead? Was he in a car crash? How long ago was it? Was it his fault? Was he okay? Does he have any permanent injuries? Etc...

He could see the confusion flicker across her face, her mind obviously going a million miles a minute, no doubt all questions about him, but he also saw the pain. The pain of a broken heart resurfacing, the pain of regret, the pain of wishing so hard to take something back and most of all, the pain he felt at the exact same moment, the pain of not being able to jump into his arms and kiss him senseless.

In that moment, Lucas forgave her for any blame he was still harboring towards her for saying no. He had known for a while that had she have said yes to his earlier proposal that their love would have faded and they would've been divorced within a few years with no hope of getting back together. He now knew that they had both needed to go off and 'conquer the world' as she had put it right before she had left after graduation. They had needed to explore and make their own marks on the world, not be weighed down by another.

After a few moments of silence, Peyton was finally able to regain her ability to speak and asked "Do you want to some inside?"

Lucas smiled slightly and nodded, mentally taking note of how the wind had picked up and the leaves turned over in vain and the light drop of water, almost invisibly, running down his cheek; it would be raining soon.

Once he stepped inside he could tell it was so obviously Peyton. The walls were red, which she had no doubt painted herself, and every here and there, there would be a drawing either painted straight onto the wall in black, or taped up nonchalantly.

She stood behind him, softly closing the door, waiting for him to turn around and answer at least one of her questions. When he didn't, and he just kept taking stock of her home, she decided to ask him straight out: "Luke, how did you find me?"

He turned around slowly; "Jake called me, he told me you guys got married."

Peyton felt her stomach flip, wondering what the strange undertone in his voice was. Jealously? No. Anger? No. More like... regret.

"He also told me that you two got divorced, and that apparently," he paused and took a breath "You never let go of us."

Peyton felt her cheeks tingle and could tell that she was blushing something furious, Lucas had always had that effect on her. She suddenly found great interest in the hem of her shirt, when he softly cupped her cheeks in his hands and tilted her head up, forcing her to look him in the eyes. "I need you to tell me the truth Peyt. Did you ever let go of us?"

Trying desperately to avoid his question she looked out the window and could hear the now raging storm outside and knew it wouldn't be long before the power cables went out, seeing how they had always been somewhat shaky and partial to storms.

Suddenly her mind flipped back to the predicament she was in at the moment: if she were to tell him no, she didn't let go, only find out he was with someone else and have her heart break all over again. But if she were to lie and say that she had, the possibility of them would go out forever, like a match blown out in the dark.

Meanwhile Lucas was becoming uncomfortable in the silence, almost positive that her lack of reply meant that she was trying to figure out some way to say that she had let them go, and figure out a way to soften the blow.

He inhaled once and said "You know what, this was a bad idea, and I should have known that you had given up on me... on us."

The statement nearly broke her heart. Knowing now that over all those years HE had been holding out for them, and thinking that she had stopped loving him. She felt his hands leave her face and as she looked into his eyes, not seeing disappointment like she had expected, but simply love. Lots of love and lots of regret. Somehow she couldn't find her voice; she just stood there like an idiot, dumbfounded.

He took a step back wanting to get out of there before he made even more of a fool out of himself, putting his heart out on the line once again.

He was just about to exit when it hit her: he was leaving. He was leaving AGAIN and she knew that if she didn't do something, that he would be gone forever this time.

So, fearing that she would never see him again, and that he would fall victim to the storm and the darkness outside, she rushed up to him and spun him around to face her.

He wasn't expecting her to so this, but the moment he was facing her, he saw the fear on her face. The fear of losing him. So, almost without consideration, he roughly crashed his lips against hers.

She didn't react at first, his rough actions slightly shocking her, but as her brain kicked in she realized: Lucas. She was kissing Lucas, and dear lord how she had missed it.

He started to feel her kiss him back with equal fervor and his soul was set alight when he tasted the love on her lips. Soon his hands were wrist deep in her long curly locks, and he tilted her head back deepening the kiss and letting his tongue slide gently into the crevice between her lips. Almost unconsciously and out of habit, he snaked his free arm around the curve in the small of her back, while she twinned her arms across his shoulder blades.

When air became a necessity, they broke apart but kept their bodies in the same position, simply standing there with their foreheads touching and inhaling the scent that was so obviously Lucas and Peyton.

"Lucas?"

"Yeah?"

"I've missed you."

"I missed you too."

And with that they were on each other again. It was lips, and tongue and hands everywhere. Lucas started to form a trail from her mouth to her jaw line down to the hollow of her throat. Instinctively she lolled her head back, giving him better access to her neck where he was now leaving a trail of red love bites.

His mouth hit a particularly sensitive spot and she sharply inhaled and pulled at his hair forcing his face up to meet her lips in an incredibly passionate and love filled kiss.

Without parting lips, he picked her legs up and wrapped them around his waist. She obliged more than willingly as he blindly tried to find the bedroom, but had to go back several times considering his mind was far away, he couldn't see anything but Peyton, but most of all, he had never even been there before.

Peyton laughed inwardly as she waited for him to find the right door leading to the bedroom. When he finally did choose the correct door and staggered into the bedroom (it was on the fourth try of course) they toppled over onto the bed.

She could feel his expert hands roam over her back, as she did the same to him. She could feel the muscles tense and ease under her touch, and found that, right then, in that moment she had never loved or wanted him more.

"Luke, get the lights." But found that it wasn't necessary considering that at that moment the storm outside had knocked out the cables and their world was now plunged into darkness.


End file.
